Trying To Find The Road Not Taken

Putting all the puzzle pieces together on my health has been a long road. Heck I can go back on my blog to 2003 and find posts of melt downs wondering why I can’t tackle it. I have paper journals from 1997 with entries of “why can’t I get over this hurdle, why don’t I take it seriously”.

It’s taken a lot of growing up, getting through a lot of personal psychological issues in my own life and my family. For as long as I can remember, someone was telling me I was a brat and lazy. I’ll concede on the brat, when I was younger I was. Some might argue I still am.

Lisa McMillan recommended to me the book The Now Habit by Dr. Neil Fiore. All I can say is wow, every stage of the book I feel like it was my life that was the case study for it. It’s helped me gain a lot of clarity on why I do the things I do, why I react certain ways, why I get overwhelmed and just shut down.

The book also helped me focus on why I have yet to be successful at weight loss. I know how to exercise, I used to sit home in the summers of middle school and early high school watching and going along with Body Shaping. I love to be outdoors doing biking, kayaking or hiking. So that’s not an issue.

Eating. While I don’t choose to make the best decisions all the time, I do know what is good to put in my body and how much of it I should be having. I actually like many more vegetables than I ever did as a kid. Seeing the nutritionist for two months re-affirmed that I’m not clueless and have crazy eating patterns.

What was left… The psychological/mind barrier. Why do I find excuses? Why do I shut down and feel overwhelmed still? What is holding me back from being the successful person I know I can be.

Here are the thoughts that came to my head…

• I try to do too much at once, trying to tackle 8 life changing habits at once
• I think I have to be perfect the first time out, and any falter and I may as well give up
• I feel like I don’t have enough time
• I feel the pressure to go along with what ever others are doing
• I put way too much guilt and negativity on myself
• I put too much weight in others approval of me

Now that I know what the concerns are, I can start to make changes.

STEP 1:
Find time… This is my first goal. Become a morning person. Since my biggest complaint to myself and everyone around me is my lack of time, I need to focus on making more time in my day. Once I can establish that, then I can go back and change what I fill that time with.

That’s the plan!

Good Morning! I’ve decided to focus on ONE goal for this week; getting up early, specifically between 5:00-5:30. I did ok this morning, I set alarms up to go off at 5:00, 5:15, 5:30 and 5:45. I did finally get up and going on the 5:45 one.

I cooked up turkey bacon, organic eggs, organic spinach, organic shredded cheese into an omelette. Had some Bolthouse juice and some organic coffee I brewed too! It was quite a morning.

I left on time for the Dentist in Danbury, got there 10 minutes early! Had a perfect visit, no cavities, no issues.

Oh and I even had some time to work on my scarf which I’ve neglected for quite a while!

And last night I “graduated” from physical therapy and am going to transition into their Wellness Program.

I’m feeling really good today!

This week started off all good and well, I went to the gym, had a really good work out sessions with my trainer. That night I was feeling really good and organized.

Tuesday I woke up exhausted as I have been for the past few weeks. No matter how little or lots of sleep I get I wake up exhausted. I didn’t plan my meals and tried to just eat as best as I could while on the go.

Wednesday was Halloween and I was getting more and more down. I also saw the nutritionist that day. It went so-so, I had gained 2 lbs, and I hadn’t really been following the plan since the 19th. She asked what the problem was and I vented a moment about my life, which she then said, “I can recommend someone for you to talk to.” So… that was a confidence booster.

On going I’m having an extreme amount of stress in my personal life with a family member. I don’t want to put it all out here, but if you would like to lend an ear please email me. I’m trying to cope and move on and choose to be in control of my life.

As the week finished up I just got more and more down. It’s also “that” time of the month and cramps seriously don’t help.

So I’m sitting down right now having a little pep talk with myself…

Issues/Obstacles:

• Exhaustion
• Inability to focus
• No planning
• Lack of a routine

Goals (Need Suggestions) :

• Create a routine
• Own my time, it’s for me not others
• Grattitude Journal (thanks for the idea Corrie)
• Be Happy
• Schedule time just for me

Any other ideas?

I can remember back as far as 4th grade and my Mom saying, “did you drink anything today?” when I’d get home from school, and I’d answer “no just the box of milk”.

Getting water in has always been a challenge for me. I do better when it’s ice cold and preferably some lemon or lime in it. Over at James’ FIT blog, I was reading how much water he was taking in 112 oz a day. Meanwhile if I get 16 oz in a day, that’s a good day.

He suggested 8 x 8 oz glasses of water a day plus another 8 oz per 20 lbs over weight. Doing the math that comes out to 104 oz a day for me. I need to get working. I’ve read this before, specifically on a bike forum, and I’ve also read where if you keep your water in take up, it will help your metabolic rate from dropping.

I’ve got a 32 oz Nalgene bottle at work. I’m going to try setting a timer to in the Dashboard to remind me to drink water.

Tonight was my first time going to the gym and working out with a trainer. I set a time of 7:30 to go, guaranteeing work could not throw it off, or any other unforeseen events.

I met with my trainer, we went over why I want to lose weight, what are my goals, how seriously am I taking this. It was good.

We then went and used the elliptical trainer for 15 minutes. I’ve never used one before… wow that kicks your butt and gets the heart rate up and moving pretty quick. At that point my HR was up 150-157 bpm. We then moved onto taking a jog around the track, and then onto lunges on the mats. I did pretty well, except my knees were bothering me with lunges, they always have.

Next we did squats with the physio ball, then up and down the stairs in the place. I only could do that 3 times before my legs wanted to give out.

Back to the mat, and we did free weights for the arms. Then lunges with a weight ball where I twisted holding it out front. Then crunches on one of those half a ball things. Then back down to this thing that was like an elliptical but more running style for 10 minutes, then the treadmill for 10 minutes and then we cooled off doing a walk around the track.

It was a full hour. My trainer was great and I really enjoyed the time with her and learned a bit too. She said I was really good with form, so that’s a plus. My goal is to get back there tomorrow night and continue the routine.

I’m not sure if it’s because I grew up in New England or my internal clock is off, but Autumn is the time of year I recount the year prior, reflect on what I’ve done, could have been done better, the times I take great joy in. It’s the beginning. For most it’s New Years Eve/Day that they set out new goals, or their birthdays, not me it’s the Fall season.As the leaves turn all around me, I get really excited. Every year is different, when I drive I try to keep an eye out for that one tree that really stands out. The changing of leaves is like mother nature’s present for me. I think back to wonderful memories of being in New Hampshire’s White Mountains during October.  Read the rest of this entry »